you would pick up someone in the library
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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