chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
