This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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