if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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