i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
