So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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