Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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