talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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