We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize