i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I didn't notice because vodka
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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