Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
