We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
