final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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