youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
