I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
