why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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