Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Slut skills are useful in every country.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You are the jesus of drinking
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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