Is it normal to miss your booty call?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
