Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
two words: eviction party
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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