I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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