is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
