My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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