I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
