He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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