I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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