Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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