When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
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Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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