you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
