Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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