i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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