I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
