i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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