OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I cockslap morals
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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