She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
