dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
