One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
