Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
