Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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