i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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