well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You need Xanax blowdarts
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
