Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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