a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
