Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
