well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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