you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
