I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
