i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
