Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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