I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
