A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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