life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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