then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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