so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
