btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
