well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
