Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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