if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
