I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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