I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
