like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
