Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
