You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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