I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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